Love is like a game of chess. I don’t even really like to use the word game, because let’s face it. Love is the most terribly painful thing we will ever experience and is anything but a “game”. Where there is love, somewhere, behind someone’s closed-door, there will be betrayal, abandonment, resentment, ego-trips, loss, grief and all the other just plain shitty shit shit that can happen in a relationship. Some of us will be lucky enough to never experience it, but then again, most of will inevitably have our hearts ripped out in one way or another. But where there is all that murky darkness, there is also the warmth of acceptance, loyalty, security, safety, consciousness, abundance and sheer happiness. Along with all the other fluffy words related to loooooove.

Every story is different. The players are different, the circumstances are different. Highly confident Miss Scarlet could be getting with super reserved Mr. Green and Colonel Mustard could be completely addicted to Sgt. Mother Fucking Pepper and even though one twosome may be way better at conflict resolution and the other may be really good at putting on a show when they are out in public, I don’t think it makes anyone love anyone less or any more than any other person. I think that when two people come together, they each come with their strengths, weaknesses and oodles of life experience. They literally are only doing the best the possibly can with what they have.

I’ve never played chess before, but I know that there’s a strategy involved. Little dudes run around the board sacrificing themselves for their bigger counterparts, The Queen tries to remain the main bitch, I have no idea where the King comes into the mix and people get really serious about it that they go and join a club and spend hours of their days playing an extremely confusing version of checkers. I much prefer the simple checkers over having to strategize my next 14 moves but that’s just me. Anything having to do with math and I’m out….?

All relationships are not the same. Should you go into every relationship with the same mentality as everyone else and use the same 10 step program to finding and keeping that person the center of your world and then add 5 more steps to ensure you stay the center of theirs? In a phrase. FUCK NO.

So that’s why there is no certain advice column, or book or 7 ways to a successful relationship that is going to land your said successful relationship. How do I know this? Because I’ve fucking tried just about everything.  I’m 28 and I know this…Love is the only fucking reason we are alive and with love alone can we figure out why our sack of bones and star dust reside on this planet and how on earth to be someone worth being in a relationship with. Some of us are just waaaaay better than others at “choosing” love over fear. Because when you think about it, all that dark stuff I was talking about earlier stems from fear.  We all have darkness in us and it will manifest differently in each of us.

I’m gonna be really honest with you right now, I’m a jumbled fucking mess. Hormonally and cyclically speaking, I’m one estrogen spike away from a total meltdown. But damnit if I don’t do some of my most honest writing when my femininity is “peaking”.

Man, I just believe in love. I believe that love is hard and it doesn’t always work out. I don’t believe the people who have told me love isn’t hard and it will always work out if two people want it bad enough. I believe that shit falls apart so more shit can fall apart so eventually you can build something really awesome. I believe that relationships are teachers and we test our boundaries, loyalties and souls to the brink every time we’re in one. I believe that love should be calm, I believe love should be reckless, I believe love should be nauseating, I believe love should be steady, I believe love should be safe, I believe love should be dangerous, I believe love should take chances, I believe love should make you cry, I believe that love should break you. I believe love should be crashing waves. I believe love should be a gentle breeze. I believe love should be a grand ballroom. I believe love should be a tiny shack in the slums. I believe love should cause laughter. I believe love should cause you to shout in anger. I believe love should open you up and cause your raw wounds to bleed and bleed and bleed. I believe love should be a little more synchronistic and a little less strategic. And I believe love should always remind you who the fuck you are and what you ultimately desire in this lifetime because it is your brand of love. Not one that someone else says you “should” have.