Right now I’m sitting in my bathtub, in St. Louis…I woke up at 4:17 a.m this morning because I could no longer sleep. Something was building up inside of me and I was having one of those half awake/half asleep repeat dreams. The same 10 seconds kept playing and I finally woke myself up because the images spinning in my head were quite frankly annoying the shit out of me. I quietly put on my favorite white robe and went downstairs and made some chamomile tea and topped it off with some vanilla coconut milk and a little sugar. Sploosh.
I hiked back up the three flights of stairs to the bedroom and grabbed my laptop. As I cradled it in my arms while not trying to spill any tea I started to make my way into the den. I slowly walked past the bed; my boyfriend stirred and groggily said, “Baby, what are you doing?”
“I’m gonna go read…which will probably lead to me writing…I don’t want to wake you up.”
“Do it in here. I just want to be close to you.”
How could I resist.
I crawled back into bed, again balancing my cup of tea and laptop. I sat in silence for 10 minutes and sipped on my tea while I rubbed his head.
Then I clicked on my kindle application and started reading “Write for you”, a book I had purchased yesterday for $4.34. It was a recommended read in another book I’m reading on about law of attraction and I immediately felt an infinity to it and that I absolutely MUST read it.
At 5:56 a.m. I finished a free-flowing 10-minute writing exercise that the book has you do. It said to take a break. But I wanted to write to more. I couldn’t NOT write. Which is crazy, because I spent two months in Guam forcing myself to write even though I was in paradise.
So I grabbed my laptop again, went into the bathroom, turned on the hot water and carefully infused it with 10 drops of Lavender oil. I sat down, took a deep breath and put my laptop on the sill of the bathtub. I recalled the very last sentence I wrote in my free-flowing writing exercise and thought, “that would be a really good way to start out my book.” I pulled up a new word document, wrote down the words and then paused.
Then I heard a voice…”blog”. So I logged onto I took her advice…
A year ago today, I sat at my best friends kitchen table writing my very first blog post on I took her advice at 4 am. and went downstairs in the same white robe I’m wearing right now because I couldn’t sleep. I had been awake thinking about my life and the incredibly frustrating search for love I had found myself in.
I wrote ferociously for 2 hours straight about the conversation I had with my grandmother the night before. I basically told all of you all why I feel about love the way that I do. I told you the story of my grandparents and began to let you all in on my life.
In that moment, typing those words and feeling as if my heart was going to explode, I realized I had had enough of being too caught up in the world and my own little life dramas to put my first love on the back burner…my writing. I had let my search for true love and pain from life run me into a corner…but something broke loose. Something lead me to bust open my voice and create. And on November 14, 2012 I took her advice was created…precisely at 6:17 a.m.
Well it’s 6:37 a.m. a year later and the forces woke me up precisely at the exact same time they did last year to bring into creation something that has changed my life forever.
And here I sit with chill bumps recalling what my best friend said to me on the phone when I told her I was leaving Guam and coming home. “I was reading your last post and realized you write your best shit when you’re home.” The first thing I saw when I logged onto the blog was the orange indicator light letting me know I have a notification.
I opened it and read “Happy Anniversary with WordPress”.
There’s not a single person that could tell me synchronicities don’t exist and aren’t profound. There is nothing that could deter me from feeling that there are no coincidences in this world and that everything is by chance.
There is also a feeling settling on my skin, more than it ever has, that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
And just because I am Mercedes and it wouldn’t be fair to keep profanity or transparency out of this post…I’ve had a lot of fucking sex in the past 40 hours, so much that I need to fill this tub with more hot water and just soak…for an undetermined period of time.