First night on the island
I don’t even know where to begin. Are the flights down there really that important in comparison to the first night here? Naaaaaah.
As we landed in Guam I was still trying to pry myself out of a hangover. A non-sleep hangover. I had literally gotten about 4 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours and was wondering how in the hell I was even going to be able to walk off the plane without falling down.
I feel like I should be taking advantage of all this free time. I’m 4 hours into an 8 hour flight. I have another 12 hour one after this.
I had a fucked up dream, I feel like maybe I should write about it, but then half of me thinks that I should write about all the many moments today that have already made me pinch myself.
I’m on a fucking plane, moving to a fucking island. I quit my fucking job, fit my fucking life into a fucking suitcase and I’m doin it man. I’m going after a dream. My book is there in the sand…those words spilled out of my mouth twice last week and when they did, a rush of chill bumps took over the skin on my body.
Thinking back on all the little things that brought me here is actually difficult to comprehend…as dramatic as it sounds, it all comes down to being thankful that I was born. Seriously, when I tie everything together, it all rests on me taking my first breath.
Yeah, that’s how important this is to me. It’s so crazy to think that if my life hadn’t started out with the biggest loss a little girl could experience, I probably wouldn’t have cultivated the courage and confidence in myself to actually do what I’m on my way to do.
A lot of synchronicities happened today. First, I’m absolutely in love with the new Jason Mraz remix of I’m yours. I only heard it once in like a week. I told Steve that it made me think of him and our relationship…when we got in the car to go to the airport that song came on. Every ounce of anxiety and sadness I had about leaving went away when that melody started.
Then as I was waiting for Starbucks to open in the St. Louis airport, a song started playing that I sort have dubbed me and Steve’s song. Another rush of calm, but also crazy excitement when I heard the lyrics, “there’s no doubt in my mind you’re right where you belong”.
And then, when I landed in Houston, I went to the next gate, sat down, felt restless and boring energy so I went and bought a neck pillow and walked back. Some dude stole my seat. So, I walked over and set up shop on the wall. This really pretty lady in her 60s with curly hair came and stood next to me. We got to talking and the first thing she says is, “What are your thoughts on internet dating”. My chest filled up. I said, “I’m a writer. An online dating experiment is actually what birthed my blog into existence and is now what’s sending me to Guam to write my book.” That may not make sense to anyone else, but the universe is leaving me sublte cookie crumbs to let me know I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.
I can’t help but wonder what it’s going to feel like stepping off the plane in Guam. What will it smell like? What is it going to feel like to see the ocean meet the shore where I’m going to live for 8 months? I know how it’s felt seeing the ocean every time I’ve went on vacation and I’ve cried every time. This is huge.
And then I think about what I left behind…but somehow, that’s the thing I have the most peace about. I know that I left a family that I created. My best friend, her wife, and the love of my life, Steve. They are all rooting for me and so proud of me that it’s difficult not to bust into Guam with guns blazing. They believe in me, they want me to discover a part of myself that I never could at home….Seriously, I am soooooo blessed.
I wanted to write something inspiring, tell a story. Put a bunch of words together to make another epic blog post when I land in Honolulu…because everyone is waiting for it and I haven’t posted in almost 3 weeks. But, somehow, I can’t bring myself to do that til I get to Guam. And I think that’s ok. I think what ends up on that next post is going to take everything in a new direction. Me writing about the present as it’s happening…it’s a far cry from the past laden posts I usually write about.
I’m so excited. A little freaked out because I haven’t started my period yet and I hope to god I’m not pregnant. Wouldn’t that make for a nice plot twist…good fucking lord. Only me. Steve, I hope by the time I post this on the blog that we’re not baking our love child…even though it would make for a not-surprising kick-off to my Saturn Return.
I just woke up on the plane. I thought I was asleep for at least 4 hours. Nope. I’m only 4 fucking hours into this flight and I feel like I’ve been on it for 10. This is ridiculous. I still have another 10 or 12 hour one to go Yeah, my itinerary doesn’t show how long the flight to Guam is from Honolulu, so I’m just guessing. Either way, I’m not a happy bunny about it. PS when I travel overseas again, I’m doing first class. Do you know how hard it is to get comfortable on a not so short duration flight!? Thank god I invested 12.99 on that neck pillow, if not for that, I’d be miserable.
Thank god my best friend gave me her quilt as a going away present, I would have frozen my ass of in this plane. Why is it so damn cold?
Of course I get stuck next to a woman who has never flown and freaks out at every bout of turbulence or weird sound. And it just happens the one sitting next to her is a devout bible thumper like her and neither one has shut up since we took off. I’ve got to listen how god had a hand in getting a daughter fired from a job so she wouldn’t go live with a friend and party at bars. I’ve got to listen to how they both don’t drink and don’t agree with ingesting anything that impairs your judgment…which made me giggle as I was literally chugging my cranberry and vodka. I was wondering if one of them was going to comment on my astrology book I was balls deep in seeing as though they were exchanging Max Lucado book notes and thumbing thought their notepad showing each other’s favorite bible verses. Another synchronicity, me thinks. Respect. Okay, okay Universe. I may not agree with their religion, but to each his fucking own right?
I feel like maybe I should listen in on the conversation though, because they are talking about asking God for things. I really wanna know how they feel about the personal power they possess to make things happen in their life. I want to know how much faith they literally have. Is it the give god all the cards and just see what the fucks happens kind of faith? Or is something else.
Ugh. Now I feel bad for calling them bible thumpers. Now they’re talking about how sometimes you meet people in life and you instantly click and they become an instant close person in your life. They obviously feel that way about each other. They have exchanged phone numbers, email addresses, physical addresses, shown each other pictures of their gardens and kids and the one lady going to the Phillipines has agreed to call the other one when she lands.
Yeah, I can attest to that. That bond that you foster with someone right away. It happened with My bff. It happened with Steve.
I think if I were to take a poll, people would say that they hate yellow sour patch kids the most. I’m eating them right now and seriously, the yellow ones are so freaking disgusting.
I’m really excited to meet Kaitlyn and Harlan. They are the two clubmates that will be on the Honolulu flight. They are pretty much going to be a fill in family for me for the next 8 months…I hope they are nice. AND by nice I mean NON-DOUCHEY. I hope they are easy to talk to. I hope they want to drink on the flight down and that we can sit next to each other. I’m sooooo ready to met new people, to form some more friendships. I think it’s going to be such an amazing experience. And we already all have something in common, completely leaving lives we once knew to move to an island with a bunch of people doing the same thing. I mean, how fucking cool is that. Every time I think about it, it just makes me smile. But I’d be way happier if I was more tan. I’m not looking forward to that first tropical sunburn. But, in about a week I will be extremely sunkissed and feelin’ o.k. about prancing around in a bikini.
I’m annoyed at how “diary-ish” this is sounding.