More and more as of recently, I’ve been coming across this phrase, “The advice we have the most trouble following is our own.” If I had a beer for every time I’ve said that, I’d be super wasted. To add to that, my belief is that everyone wholeheartedly, deep- down knows what’s best for them. But we let our insecurities, the opinions of others and the “shoulds” of life turn that all knowing, bad-ass, life compass into a shit show of fuckery.
And I’m not saying that to discount how hard it can be to truly do what WE want in life. Let’s face the music. We like to do things that make other people proud, some of us don’t exactly like stepping on toes and we find the comfort of not making any waves WAY easier to deal with than pissing our family off. Or we stay in romantic relationships because we’re too afraid to be alone, we think indifference is better than nothing or we really don’t want to hurt the other person.
WELCOME TO MY LIFE. Oh yes. I would not be writing this if everything in my story was pink tulle and baby otter yawns. Failed marriage? Check. Jobs I’ve made myself sick over because I hated them so god damn much even though it bought me things? Check. Not doing the things my soul ached for deep down because I was scared what my family and friends would think? Check. Doing things my soul REALLY didn’t want to because I wanted to please the people around me? Check, check, CHECK!
So did I fucking do anything about it? Yeeeeeeeeeees. However, I just want to say one thing before I spill the beans.
For those of us stuck in the “should” stage of life, it takes a ridiculously conscious effort to live. We’re doing the best with what we have at that given moment. We’re taking our punches as they come and sprinkling flower seeds wherever we feel is best fitted. Even if those feelings come from the desires of other people. It isn’t until we finally grasp that what we want, feel and need trumps ALL that we begin to move from “should”, to “I don’t care if you like it or not, I’m fucking doing it.” Or if you are less foul-mouth inclined like myself, “I owe you zero explanation, this is MY life.”
So how do you pull the rip chord on the “shoulds” and just do whatever the fuck you want?
1. Figure out the general idea of what you want out of life. Go ahead, daydream. Write down whatever the hell you want. But make sure it comes straight from your soul and isn’t tainted with the wishes of any one else. Don’t have the slightest idea on how to go about that? Pay attention to the things you think about when you’re driving in your car. When the music is on and it seems as if your mind is floating above. That’s where you’ll find your desires. Pay attention to your dreams, go read your journal. Don’t have a journal? Get one. Write in it. Become aware of what’s swirling around in that fog upstairs. It’s there for a reason.
2. Think about what’s keeping you from doing those things. Is it your relationship? Do you feel that you may let your family down? Do you lack the financial support? Do you think it’s so ludicrous and impossible that you write it off as just another crazy dream? Write that shit down, too. They say ignorance is bliss…bullshit. Ignorance is ignorance. If you can’t define what it is that’s scaring the shit out of you or blocking you from the life of your dreams, how do you expect yourself to overcome it? Now you know where the term “You better recognize” came from. Maybe.
3. Accept that when you fully believe in a desire, the universe has a really funny way of coming through for you. It may mean sacrificing something else in your life, but it’s really not a sacrifice at all. It may just be that whatever is in your life isn’t serving you anymore and you need to let it go in order to fulfill your purpose, dream, wish, etc.
4. Acknowledge the fear, because 9 times out of 10 you’ll feel it. If you weren’t afraid of something, you would have already done what it is you wanted. Say hi to the fear. Let it sit next to you. Maybe create a secret handshake with it. Whatever you need to do to let it know you know that it’s there. And then just fucking do what you were gonna do anyways. Fear is an illusion that our insecurity stirs up to mind fuck us. So we must mind fuck it right back.
5. Realize that the place you are in right now is only setting you up for your next move. You needed the life you have right this second to catapult you to your next destination. You may hate your current place and throw yourself on the ground convulsing into bratty tantrums, but that WILL change. I promise. NOTHING stays the same. Do not be naive to think that you are stuck. Forever. Pssssst…also remember the more that you resist something, the more it persists. Smart dude Carl Jung said that. Swoon.
6. You WILL be tempted to seek the advice of lots of people. Cool, do it if you feel the need. But the more you seek answers outside of yourself, the more you’re going to get. And I bet you won’t like them. So yeah, maybe you should just consult the super-hero bad-ass inside of you and save yourself the torment.
Ready to do a little yanking? I think you should 😉
Oh, and I always wanted to quit my corporate job and move to an island and do cool shit. So I did. In T minus 36 days I’ll be on an island doing cool shit. So stay tuned. 🙂