I remember in detail every moment in my life a male has expressed his distaste about one of my attributes. Whether it be how I choose to wear my hair, my sexuality, my use of profanity or the way I like my pizza, it has stayed with me. I remember how it felt being on the receiving end, with every instance I grew a thicker skin and rebelled against their insecurities. However, I didn’t realize the rage I had until I witnessed it being done to women I care deeply for. This is for all the women who, for whatever reason, can’t speak out. For all the women who know they are not their bra size or their ability to flip pancakes. For the ones that have yet to saturate themselves in their worth.
As women we are expected to don the kitten heels, black panties and shake our little asses while we seductively saunter to the end of the bed. We’re expected to contort our bodies into hundreds of different positions because our man thinks it’s sexy. We’re supposed to twirl around poles and buy the whores r’ us compact makeup kits and paint our faces up. We’re judged by how much hair we leave on our vagina’s and how often we pluck our eyebrows. Men want us to suck their dicks like a five year-old would eat their favorite ice cream cone…several times a week. While we get sack sessions completely void of romance and passion.
Men want us to look a certain way and not act so “crazy” while they get applauded for sporting a beer belly and emotional manipulating us. But yet, they are just expected to show up and we’ll take what we can get. Do you see men spending money each month on yoga or stripper pole classes to keep their asses tight and moves raunchy for their ladies? Do you see them violently removing hair all over their body because their lady expressed that they like it that way? Do you see them scouring the annual sale bins at Victoria’s Secret to fish out 9 pairs of those translucent thongs that their significant other thinks is sexy, even though you feel sexiest in a pair of lace cheekies? Do you see them flipping through the pages of Cosmo trying to soak in the latest 100 ways to drive their partner crazy in bed?
Do they think that because they are fucking us that they have a say in any part of our body?
Men, do you know what you are actually saying to your women every time you choose to tell her you prefer x over what she encompasses?
“You are not enough. You are not sexy enough.” Is that really how you want to portray your feelings about the person you love?
We are ranked based upon what we can physically offer to a man. How tight is our vagina? How big are our tits? How well can we cook? How closely do we fit the picture perfect description men have extracted from their favorite porn star or ex-girlfriend they refuse to get over? I think it’s bullshit. Oh, so you like that her genitals be completely shaven and repeat that wish on a weekly basis as you’re showering together? If she wanted to wax, she would. Maybe she feels there’s something better she can do with that money. Maybe it’s too painful. Maybe it triggers the sexual abuse she experienced as a child. You wish that she would wear short skirts and not the things that make her feel confident and comfortable? Choosing to express what you wish was different in your partner and not telling her how much you adore the way she is now does anything but foster intimacy and trust in a relationship. Hopefully, sooner than later she’ll realize the only person’s approval she needs is her own if she’s continuing to stick around while you stake claim to her. If you can’t love a woman and respect for her for staying true to even the littlest things about herself, the things that don’t belong to you, then you don’t deserve her.
If I haven’t said enough, here’s one more thing: FUCK YOU. I alone decide what I do with the skin wrapped around my bones.
If I ever have a daughter, I will teach her this mentality: When it comes to her mind, soul and BODY, she does what SHE wants. She will not have parents that tell her “You’re so pretty” and that’s it. She will not have a father who says, “I don’t like women with short hair” when she says she wants to cut off her girlish curls for a stylish bob. She will have parents that will praise her talents and gifts and put the deepest parts of her personality high above the frilly pink dress she wears or red sneakers on her feet. And when she falls in love she will know, because she had parents that instilled in her worthiness, that the character of a man who dictates, even subtly, how she should act, speak, dress, fuck or cry, is a man with a character incapable of truly loving her.
Your worth is not dependent on what you can give to a man, but what you give to yourself. And if you find yourself with a man who would rather point out what you are lacking rather than be grateful, thankful and desire you for what you are in this moment and does not hesitate to make sure you know it…you are better off giving 100% of your attention to the person that should be loving you the most…yourself.