Marilyn Monroe was quoted saying something along the lines of she’s a crazy bitch, but she really doesn’t give a shit because if you don’t like her, then you can GTFO. Or something like that.
My name’s Mercedes and I suck at paraphrasing. There’s a bout 131, 752 other things that I also suck at, but the things I am good at…well, those just make me all googly eyes over who I look at when I’m in front of a mirror. Conceited? Eh, more like I’ve realized that if you can’t love yourself for who you are, nobody else will either. And little babies will die if they don’t get love, so obviously I would too. Cuz, I act like a baby, waaaaaaay more than I should.
So, why the Marilyn Monroe quote? Well, that blonde bombshell of crazy is the attitude I’ve adopted in life. The “Is what it is” mentality if you will. And for some strange reason, a lot of really small and below the surface things have happened recently that make me feel the necessary urge to introduce myself to you, in all my quirky and weird glory. Like having dreams about choreographing the world’s first “Women with strap-on’s and sequined bikinis” burlesque show…I swear, that was from the raspberry sorbet I ate before bed.
Ya’ll know the reason I started this blog. Weeeeeeeeelllllll…I probably painted a flowery and incomplete picture of why. If you’ve been following the blog you know the general rundown: My grandmother’s advice when I was like 8 + some silly internet dating experiment + me wanting to help people in relationships in hopes of inspiring others to be better, but honest fucking, people. Those are all truths.
However, it was way more than that. It was a way for me to get honest with myself and do the one thing in the world that frightens me more than anything…to get vulnerable. I know I’ve touched on vulnerability in a couple posts and shared some stories about growing up, but there’s more. I want to do shit in my lifetime. Cool shit. Shit that most people don’t understand and probably think is really “hippy”, un-realistic or something they would never want to do. That’s cool, it’s not their life. Those are my dreams, my desires and it just so happens that some of them involve making things that help other people. Even if there’s lot’s of curse words and inappropriate phrases. It’s my brand of crazy, my brand of awesome and exactly who I am. But, I really can’t do any of those things if I don’t “get vulnerable”.
My best friend has always said it’s “impossible to punish me”. I will take any dare, become an un-flinch-able fortress at the sign of any big crisis and push envelopes like it’s my job. I’m a gatherer of good times, a flee-er from needy and really emotional social situations (if I can help it) and just feel that being who you want to be, not what others want you to be, is the key to happiness.
I like that other people like to be around me because I am fun. I like that no-one has ever called me boring and I completely adore the fact that I was blessed with the ability to experience life and have the desire to share those experiences with others. And I’m humbled that somehow things have progressed in my life that I write about relationships, life and spend a lot of my free time giving people advice. That may be the biggest compliment I’ve ever received. Think about it. Someone who comes to you for advice is basically saying, “there’s something, maybe 17 things, that I really appreciate about you. That thing or things make me trust you enough to come to you with this issue I’m having. Or, “I like who you are so much that I’m going to be vulnerable and say I need help.”
Dude, seriously. Be the kind of person that others come to for advice. That’s just an testament and personal barometer of you aligning yourself with the life you want.
Did you know that I didn’t always use to be the person that others went to for advice? Actually I used to be a very unhappy, insecure and selfish bitch. Karma found me and had her way with me…and I will never regret the path that lead to this moment.
So here I am. Sitting on my couch, heating pad on my bleeding and very uncomfortable feeling uterus and I just wanna be real.
I’m 28. I have no kids and have the dirtiest mouth my father will never hear. I keep it PG-11 around him for HIS religious reasons.
I’ve made a shit ton of “mistakes” in life, got married and then divorced and also got drunk at the lake and ended up with my best friends lips tattooed on my ass.
I’ve adopted dogs and a cat from shelters, spent thousands of dollars on self-help books and tried cocaine…twice.
I’ve thrown some of the most insane parties, devoted 9 months of my life to studying and becoming catholic when I was 26/27 and threw up IN someone’s vagina.
I’m a Reiki Healer, an avid banana eater and have probably given more money to homeless people than I’ve contributed to my 401k.
I stayed with someone after they cheated on me, told a family member they were a shitty human being and I’m embarrassed to be related to them and lost two marbles in my ass.
I thrive off experimenting and connecting the dots to why something happened aka analyzing the fuck out of everything. It’s also the thing that causes me the most grief in life.
I’m incredibly self-conscious about my calves, am still horribly afraid of the dark and believe fiercely in the idea that there are no coincidences in life.
I’m in stupid, gag-reflex, get-a-room, love with my boyfriend even though he calls me brat several times a week and is currently in the other room playing World of Warcraft and talking shit to his buddies online. Yes, Steve. I had a rule about guys that played video games. Guess it’s a good thing you have a not-so-small personality…? No, I meant dick.
I believe in ghosts, aliens AND fairies. Because, I like to believe that I’m a fairy sent here to sprinkle the earth with love and glitter. Juuuuuuust kidding. Aliens probably don’t exist.
If you haven’t been able to tell, I have a mildly not sucky sense of humor and witty way of typing out my thoughts. Or, I may just be slightly full of myself and have realized that honesty gets me a hell of a lot farther than pretending to be something or someone I’m not.
Sometimes when I walk over a bridge I wonder what it would be like to jump off it and die. Not that I want to die, I just want to know how it would feel to do it.
Two members of my immediate family have bi-polar disorder, Being in the ocean gives me anxiety and I wish I would have waited until this precise moment in time to make a decision on what I wanted to go to college for…or if I even wanted to go to college at all.
I don’t like every person I meet, I really enjoy cartoon porn and it’s tough for me to cultivate relationships with people who make celebrity gossip a part of daily conversation.
I believe that trust is earned over time. It is not something that magically arrives in a beautifully gift wrapped box the first day you meet someone. It also is not something that can easily be given out once you have experienced a major break in it several times. But with time, I believe even the most wounded can learn to open up when they meet someone who is willing to recognize their past pain and not judge it, instead protect it by being a trustworthy person by their actions.
I’m happiest when I have a microphone near my face, a guitar in my arms, reading natal charts or I’m doing research for a blog post I want to write. Also alcohol. Alcohol and chorizo quesadillas makes me happy, too.
I care about the people around me being happy, confident and true to themselves more than I care about any political hot topic. I guess that comes from the belief that whatever you want the world to be, you have to be that for yourself first. And that last statement is why I have the burning desire to open myself up to the world.
Hello, Universe. It’s me, Mercedes.