and this is what happened…

Monthly Archives: May 2013

by Caitlin Heightman

Harness your inner George Lopez: “I got this!!”

What makes you tick? What puts a smile on your face more than anything else? What do you secretly hope for? What are your dreams?! What do you WANT out of life?

Go. Be. Do.

For me it’s the giggle of an innocent child or the smell of a new baby. It’s the smile on that child’s face who’s life you just changed. The family member thanking me for holding their loved ones hand while they died so they weren’t alone. The old school song from growing up that i know EVERY word to coming on the radio. Being so extremely comfortable in the arms of someone you care so deeply about. Those are the things that make me smile. My heart smile. My soul smile.

We need to do more of what makes us happy and less of the things that don’t. Life is wayyy too short to be anything but happy.

Sure, there are things we need to do, but may not necessarily want to. That’s part of being an adult…but aside from those things, why don’t we all just go after our dreams? Why don’t we just do the things that truly make us happy? Why do we constantly let the world tell us no and not fight back? Why do we always take NO for an answer when we could so easily harness our inner George Lopez and yell back “I GOT THIS!” Instead of listening to the world tell us we are destined to fail.

Stop letting other people tell you NO. Yes there are laws and circumstances why we may not get to do all the things we want, but generally speaking, where there’s a will, there is most definitely a way. So let’s take our will, and find our way. Shall we??

What about the lemons life throws at us you ask?? MAKE SOME FREAKIN LEMONADE. Or throw them right back and tell life “ I GOT THIS”.

Life deals us all hands of cards. Some of us have a better hand dealt to us than others. What we need to do is stop using that as an excuse. We need to get up and show life who’s boss. You want to do something spectacular? You want to go places in life?? DO IT. No if’s, and’s or but’s. Just DO IT. We need to start being true to ourselves, to stop cutting ourselves short because of the hand we were dealt. Stop using those cards life gave you as an excuse or reason that you can’t do something. Stop seeing them as setbacks. Instead, let those cards be a reminder of where you came from and let them be a reminder to you and everyone else of how far you’ve come in life, regardless of the awful hand you were given in the first place.

People will look up to you a lot more for overcoming things in life than for sleeping your way to the top or getting where you are because you know people who know people who know people.

So stop reading this, get off the couch or out of bed as would be my case. Go book that skydiving. Call your mom and apologize. Make up with your childhood best friend. Go hold that brand new baby. Tickle your niece and nephew. Go back to school. Volunteer. Plan that bakery you always wanted to own. Just DO it. Don’t let your past predict your future.

Remind yourself, “I GOT THIS”. And if you need to, shout it out loud! And always, always, always remember (if you don’t remember anything else) that life is too short to be anything but happy.

 When Caitlin isn’t investing quality time with her fur babies, blogging and doing good in this world, she’s cheering on the Cardinals and shining light all over the place which is why itookerheradvice was uber excited to hear what she had to say.


How many times have you heard “I don’t care what other people think” or “You shouldn’t care what other people think” or how about “Fuck you, I could care less what you think about me”? I doubt if there is a single person reading this that has lacked hearing some version of that phrase.

Those words are more true than anyone will ever know, especially in the realm of relationships. People in our life, whether it be a family member, a friend or a colleague  tend to feel the need to tell you how to live your life. Most times, it comes out of a place of love because that person genuinely cares about you, at least that’s what we all try to tell ourselves when someone is “putting in their two cents” or we’re handing out pennies with the justification of “I just want the best for you”. However, with that so-called love and “watching your back mentality”,  “wanting the best for you” just equates to “I’m scared shitless and am projecting that fear onto you, because telling you what’s comfortable for my life and what I think is best for you and what  I would do is input based upon my own insecurities and lack of control.”

I have learned that the people who really see you, “get you” and  “want the best for you” are the people who trust you enough to do what you need to do. They believe in you so much, and love you so much that they allow you the space to be yourself. Your way of going about life is completely different from their way of going about life. Your emotions, desires and everyday way of living life is so unique to you that even the person who thinks they know you better than you know yourself, could never experience how you feel or decide what’s best for you.  YOU are the only one that knows that. And YOU make your choices on how you feel at any given moment. Those are your actions and your path.

So what if you make a so-called “mistake”? I have touched on this briefly, but mistakes don’t exist. Situations that turn out differently than you thought occur, and these situations teach you about what you do and don’t want in life. They inevitably bring you closer to a desire and teach you valuable lessons. You decide if you either want to learn the lesson and look at the situation as something that tested you, challenged you and made you stronger or if you want to look at it negatively and prevent you from changing something.

Everyday we are faced with the opportunity to be better than we were yesterday. Adversity, stress and drama exist to rise above and transform. Our personal relationships are just one vehicle those opportunities present themselves. The people and situations that are in our life right now were no accident. They are there to serve a much bigger purpose in your life than you could ever imagine.

So my advice, the more you allow the people in your life to live as authentically and free from your personal opinion, and the more others allow the same from you, the better and more fulfilling both of your lives are going to be.

When it comes to your happiness, never get a second opinion. You and only you will always be the one to consult and you’ll know if you are on the right path based on how you feel. So pay attention and look within instead of out.

by Stephanie Watters

What is that thing inside you that makes your soul salivate for MORE?

It’s 6:00 AM, your alarm goes off- What is the driving factor for you to wake, and begin this new glorious day?

When music is played does it make your soul come to life?

How about the beautiful variety of colors that an evening sunset provides?

The sound, smell, and beauty of the ocean?

Whatever it is for you – There’s a deep, raw, unedited, version of you that lies somewhere underneath your cell phone, computer, car, career, friends, playstation, and Tivo.

The best advice that I could give to anyone in this era would be to become in tune to those things I just described. Let go of all the social media, and become YOU, the real you, the purest, deepest form of who you really are. Why is it that when we are waiting in a line, or have a free 5 minutes, we IMMEDIATELY jump onto our cell phones, and begin checking Facebook? How about, taking that SAME 5 minutes, and quietly looking within your soul to see what it is that sparks that fire for you to live?

I’m STILL learning who I truly am. The me that isn’t dumbed down, drowned out, or suffocated by society, and what is “acceptable” or isn’t  Let’s face it, my desire to want to make a career out of photography, music, and writing with a dash of skee ball, and an entire zoo in my backyard probably isn’t what society would call normal or acceptable. Yet, those are the very things that spark my desire for life. If I hear music playing, my soul sings. If there is a cute little innocent animal anywhere in a one mile radius, I’m immediately drawn to him, and I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING to hold him, pet him, kiss him, and communicate with him the best I can, seeing as I’m human, and he’s an animal. That theory does NOT apply to snakes. Yuck! No thanks! I want to take a picture of such a moment so that I can remember it for forever, and then write about it so that It can be depicted to the best of my ability to everyone else. I want to take a lunch break, and play whack-a-mole, and skee ball. THIS IS ME. THIS IS WHO I AM.

That’s the me that lies deep under my work, my duties as someone’s fiance’, what is socially acceptable, religiously acceptable, and what I have time to do in this busy life of mine.

In everything you do, find the true meaning to you, in it. Do the unthinkable, and take a moment to find the parts of you that light your inner fire. And, like a starving person, feed those hungers within. Stop letting everyone/everything dim those flames. Instead, feed them. Stoke them. Be true to YOU! Keep it real! In the face of opposition, remain the truest form of who you REALLY are, and even when it goes against the grain, you’ll be so glad you did.

 When Stephanie isn’t riding the backs of wild dolphins, writing poetry and gracing the internet world with her quick wit and country-girl sense of humor, she’s being awesome. Which is precisely why I took her advice wanted her advice on life and snatching up fuzzy animals and loving them. Thanks, Steph!

I learned that if I am not open to change, change will not occur. I’ve learned that if I am not continually seeking out things that nourish MY soul, my soul will go un-nourished. I have also learned that if I want to make a mark in the world, no matter how small, I must be transparent. I spent years not being transparent, even to myself and that really didn’t get me anywhere, except for a place that looked and felt like a really dark hole of nothingness. People may not like the things that you choose to show them, they may wince at your honesty and may even get offended, but you’re doing something wrong if everyone likes you.

Do you remember those black pieces of paper that had the plastic pens that if you drew on the paper the black disappeared and different colors showed up underneath? My in-depth Google research has unveiled that the proper term for said black/color paper awesomeness is: a Scratch Drawing.  Still nothing? Here:

I hope this magic rainbow hamster never leaves the sight of your frontal lobe.

I hope this magic rainbow hamster never leaves the sight of your frontal lobe.

And that’s what I want to talk about. No, not magical hamsters….transparency. Transparency happens when you no longer fear the judgement of the world and accept yourself as you are. The guilt from past mistakes and regrets slough off, a sense of gratitude and thankfulness just to be alive energizes you and somehow it feels wrong to cover up or tone down the very things that make you, you. This comes with experiencing what it feels like not to feel any of those things and then realizing that you really suck as a person and don’t want to suck any more.

At some point, you find your penny, or straw or gross fingernail,whatever it is you want to use to start scratching off that black film, and you start to be transparent with the world. Good and Bad. Mistakes and Triumphs. Embarrassing moments and Stupid Facebook posts. And the kicker is, even though you were so afraid of the world or someone else seeing you in a bad light or you risking them not liking what they see, the reverse happens whether they like it or not. The picture we all see starts to take shape. The world starts to appreciate you because you are now a little more human than you were before that first scratch. Sure, there’s gonna be people that are all over there like “Yuck, that looks like a cobra.” and you’re all over there like, “Actually it’s a balloon animal of a ferret, thanks dick.”

But most people, the people that actually matter, are going to revel in your realness, vulnerability and willingness to let it all hang out. Because truth of the matter, we relate on the deepest of levels with others who share our fears, sorrows and dark, dark places. That’s what makes the really brightest of places so fucking awesome to be in with another person.

The thing is everyone has their own piece of black paper. What’s underneath is solely up to them to figure out and navigate scratching it off and the pace in which you go doesn’t matter. Some spend their whole lives with tiny little nicks in the paper, others, they start scratching that stuff off like people that use scratch off tickets to pay their electric bill. However slow or fast you want to go, do it. But you can’t start making your mark on the world, until you make your mark on yourself.

PS, my black paper has a picture of a big-booty unicorn drinking a 40. What does yours look like?

What does retardation even mean? Well, according to Urban Dictionary:

wreg rthyh ujhrh ikg j” 
1. Talking like this shows clear signs of retardation.
2. Moving your hands in various unidentifiable motions is a byproduct of having retardation.
Retardation explanation: “wreg rthyh ujhrh ikg j”
Hold up…I’m staring at the screen suddenly feeling the urge to move my hands in “unidentifiable motions” while pronouncing “wreg rthyh ujhrh ikg j”….And now, I feel like I should have recorded that. Pretty sure I just discovered what you should do if someone is hitting on you and you want it to stop.This one time, I got bit by the retarded love bug and this is what it looked like:

6 signs you are retarded “in love”
1. You sacrifice sleep; A lot of sleep – Yeaaaah. If you know me, you know that I don’t sacrifice my sleep or stay out past my curfew unless I’m either A)Making money B) Singing Karaoke or C) A gun is being held to my head. Ever since I was little, I sucked at being a night owl and really enjoyed my beauty rest. So, when I was waking up at all early hours of the morning to kiss someone else goodnight, refusing to sleep until I could fall asleep next to them and waking up prior to getting my routine 8 hours just so I could stare at them all creepily and give them face kisses…well, I realized no amount of exhaustion will keep you from the opportunity to see that person or be next to that person.
2. Your eating habits change – Suddenly, human fuel becomes a bare necessity and if on the off-chance your brain happens to remind your stomach you should probably eat, you’re most likely ordering pizza or some other form of highly efficient grub. Because when it comes to the early stages of love and eating, you lose sight of logic. However, the lack of desire to eat isn’t what really threw me for a loop. It was the fact that I wanted to cook for this person. I may have discussed this in an earlier post but I don’t cook for just anyone. Cooking is one of my ultimate labors of love. It’s something so simple, but it requires a lot of time, effort and TLC on my part because I don’t just cook to cook. Maybe it’s my inner rebel to anything house-wifey related, but my place is not in the damn kitchen, it’s elsewhere, doing way cooler shit than making meatloaf for someone once a week. You’re lucky if I cook for you once, but it if starts happening multiple times, well, I don’t even have to say it. And if you’ve experienced my stuffed french toast, well you should just high-five yourself.
3. You tell strangers how you feel – I’m a huge musical buff and I adore the movie Moulin Rouge. If you recall, there’s a scene where Ewan McGregor breaks out into jovial song atop an elephant statue and sings to all of Paris that he is in love with a hooker. It’s pretty romantic. He looks like a fucking idiot, she is slightly embarrassed, but by the end of the song they’re clasping their hands together and harmonizing each other’s faces off. When you’re in crazy love, you want to do this in some form or another. Before you know it, you’re telling complete strangers about your new-found flavor of emotional pop rocks while waiting in line to mystic tan. You may even walk out onto the front porch of your apartment naked and scream to the neighborhood that you’re in love. Hell, you could even blog about it for the whole world to see. The feelings inside you become so intense and so euphoric that you want to be a humanitarian of some sorts and share it; It feels wrong not to tell people. Then said people start wanting to hit you in the face with a skateboard because you won’t shut up. That’s when you walk into the other room and do a pelvic thrust because nothing they can say will deter you from what you feel.
4. You become the most un-productive piece of shit ever – And your mother would be so disappointed. I don’t really prioritize chores in real life, I just keep everything but my laundry from literally spewing all over my square footage. The bathroom vanity may not be void of remnants of bronzer, but you could probably eat a donut off it if you were drunk. When you’re in love, suddenly you don’t want to do any of that adult stuff. If it’s between grocery shopping for the first time in 2 weeks or spending time with you know who, you bet your ass you’re not going to do the adult thing. Nope, you’re going to lay around in bed for 6 hours engaging in the most gayest pillow talk this world has ever heard. And it’s going to feel so fucking good. The laziness doesn’t last forever though…the logical side of your brain will inevitably turn back on and you’ll get back to normal.
5. It’s not about the sex – You can take the exchange of bodily fluids, raging hormones and desire to make a sweaty skin sandwich together completely out of it and you still legitimately want to hang out with each other. Don’t get me wrong, good sexual chemistry is important, but if you can’t hang out together and thoroughly enjoy it without the sex, it’s always going to be just about the sex.
6. You stop hiding your flaws – A shift occurs in your relationship and instead of trying to solely show the best sides of yourself to your significant other, you allow that person to see you in the light of reality. One day instead of holding your emotions in and trying to act 100% put-together, you feel safe enough to fall-apart in front of that person. You have an omelet meltdown. You literally lose your shit over the egg sticking to the pan and fucking up the prettiness of the omelet. You raise your voice, throw utensils around and possibly cry because you lied and said there were chives in the omelet and not green onions because you know he doesn’t like onions, but you put them in there anyway because it’s impossible to eat an omelet without some form of onion. Fucking ovaries. What I’m trying to say here is, the perfect relationship you two started building when the infatuation and lust took hold has now transformed into a perfectly imperfect relationship. You are now at the point where you trust each other enough to be vulnerable. That’s not the sappy-romance stuff. That’s the glue that’s going to hold this whole thing together.
As I discussed in the prior post, love is different for everyone, so take my list for what it is: My unique and raw experience that I’m sharing with all of you. I won’t tell you that lacking any of those 6 elements means you aren’t in love. That’s just nonsense. However, I do think that you’re smart enough to know which ones really matter.
So what happens when you realize you’re legitimately “sprung”?
Enjoy the ride.

I think lust and infatuation is different for everyone. Furthermore, the timetable that a person experiences the bubbling of  lust and infatuation before it develops into full-blown love is also different.  I used to think there were rules when it came to matters of the genitals and of the heart. Through my mistakes and continual journey on the path of  what I think love is, I’ve found that just as we all were created uniquely and differently in so many facets, love is not the exception, it very well may be the element in pure human existence that is different for every soul on this planet. No one person is going to have walked down the same road in life as you. Your detours, road signs and vehicle will be incredibly different from the person to your left and the person to your right. You have no control who stumbles upon that path and ends up joining you for the ride.

Many books have been written about that journey, and many songs have been sung. And still we are all just as confused and in the dark as the expiration of two people’s lives together takes the spotlight. We are all motivated by love. There isn’t a human on this earth that does not love something. Even someone with a legitimate personality disorder is still capable of loving someone…themself. A person can kill for love. A person will die for love. A mother will protect her child at all costs simply out of love. It is the energy that fuels life.

A well written dating book can tell you the cookie-cutter bullshit story that involves playing hard to get, waiting x amount of days before you have sex and refraining from talking about the very things that have made you “you” so you don’t “scare” the other person off. Trust me, I’ve read most of them. I’ve religiously applied those techniques to relationships only to come out looking like the fool. It seemed the more I injected some idea or rule into a relationship, the quicker things began to unravel. Through my self-discovery and finding out what does not work, I’ve stumbled across something that wasn’t in any of those self-help books. And perhaps I’ve found the secret ingredient that is so far from confusion that the only way of realizing its existence, is to feel it.

Love cannot be defined, it can only be experienced. When you find it, zero words exist to sum up what goes on in your brain, heart and depths of your soul. But one word can explain it. That word is surrender.

I’m a big believer in karmic lessons and the idea that the people in your life exist to help you transform throughout your time here on earth in physical form. They bring out the good, the bad and the in between. You must experience the heartache of a failed relationship, you must hurt another and be hurt and you must risk everything in the name of love to learn your lessons and discover for yourself what love is for you so that when the truest form of love, the form that you have meticulously yearned for, finally does meet you face to face…you go all in. You surrender every idea, every fear, everything you knew before. You open yourself up to that person in a way that you never have before.

So, I guess I’m trying to tell you that everything you need to know about love and every question you have about love is already inside of you. You know exactly what it is that you want. And you have to experience what you don’t want to draw the conclusion. So risk it all and go all in. If the person on the receiving end isn’t doing the same, you know you can be thankful for another lesson learned and taking one step closer to finding your true form of love. And let me let you in on another little secret, it’s not supposed to be hard. It will be the easiest, clearest and craziest thing you will ever experience. It will change you.

So once you find it, how do you keep it? Well my friends, we’ll discuss that at a later time. 🙂

Mine is stellar. So, thanks mom and dad for my great rack. However, I don’t appreciate the stems I’m working with, but I’ll live. Yes, I totally am stroking my own ego AND calling an audible. You don’t get anywhere in life without A LOT of self-love mixed with a little realism, no matter how in the fuck you’re put together.

Why am I talking about my chest and how does it have anything to do with relationships….uhhhh…well, it doesn’t? Yeah, so, ya wanna explain what this blog posit is about, Mercedes? (Clever am I. You got to the second paragraph all because I put naughty words in the title. Imma, imma hustla.)

This blog post is about a term I like to call  “Barbie Goggles “. (Cue the opening instrumentals to “Barbie Girl”) Barbie Goggles are like Beer Goggles, only there’s no alcohol involved. It’s more of a deep seeded belief that as long as someone looks completely perfect on the outside it means they are always going to be fun, smiley and all around amazeballs; Complete with an insane matching proverbial wardrobe that is everything you ever wanted in another person.

Noooope. But hold up. I am in no way shape or form saying that just because someone is put together in a non-value menu fuck burrito that they automatically legitimately suck on the inside and are really a straight up value menu fuck burrito. Ummmm…ole’!  No, silly. The issue is actually with you. Because when you have Barbie Goggles, your motivation and basis for the relationship is solely based on what a person looks like.  Furthermore, unless you’ve spent substantial time cultivating your awesomeness in other areas other than your perfectly hairless and chiseled body, you are going to seek out people who have Barbie Goggles, too. And you my friends, together, are going to suck hard. SO. HARD.

Mercedes, why are you suddenly the expert on Barbie Goggles?

I’m not. I created the phrase so 1. I make the rules and 2. I’ve worn them a time or two. Or twelve, but who’s counting? They are really retarded looking and actually make you look and feel even more retarded after you’ve realized you’ve had them on. So, maybe I’m trying to bring a little awareness and arm you with some knowledge. GAWSH.

Oh, you need more of an explanation?

Let’s revisit a couple of things:

1. I make the rules – Well, that just sounds bratty, especially when I’m trying to help you. Moving on…

2. I’ve worn them a time or two – Oh yes, I have donned the Barbie Goggles with pride many a time. I’m not proud of it, but cheezits and mice I’m grateful I did. Because  now I know that a person can look so shiny and smooth on the outside but be a mess of really sad things on the inside. And guess what? That shiny and smooth exterior and not so great inside? I used to have that. Hence why the people who I was getting involved with, based their relationship with me on the very same thing.

Fast forward to today. Did any of those relationships work out?  No. But with each one, it brought me a little closer to realizing a persons worth, character, talents, struggles, mistakes and life experiences and how they convey them to others are what truly make them attractive.

So, how do you  avoid Barbie + Ken or Barbie + Barbie or Ken + Ken riding off in a pink convertible of fuckery?

1. Refrain from thinking I’m saying “avoid really hot people”.  Actually, you HAVE to have a mutual attraction to someone in order to cultivate something worthwhile. However, the important part isn’t the initial attraction. It’s what happens after the contact is made. If you’re a Barbie Goggle wearer by trade are you going to take the Barbie Goggles off once you’ve found someone who is more than the color of their lip gloss, the car they drive and how close to Ryan Goslings body type they are or are you going to continue investing time and energy in people who only care about appearances and the material things in life?

2. Have  flaws and own them without judgement. And don’t judge the other person for theirs. Barbie Goggles make zero concession for flaws. Because Barbie wasn’t created with flaws. Secretly she’s a demonic slut yelling at babies and shooting up heroine, but she’ll never allow another person to see that. But that’s why you need to take the damn goggles off. If you don’t, you’re gonna end up with a very loud, promiscuous significant other that makes little children cry. Can’t bring that home to mom.

3. Find balance and the yin to your yang. You’re not perfect and neither is your significant other. But just as you both will come up short on certain things, you’re complete as individuals which make a really cool swirly circle thing together that make you and others feel good.

So the moral of the story, find someone with a great nipple to boob ratio. I guess this post really was about boobs…figuratively.