All women have an inclination to act like raging cunts towards other women. It’s probably buried somewhere deep in our DNA. I’m sure it all started in the caveman days when us women had to beat out all the other ladies to land a man. In those days our only option for survival was connecting with a mate who would provide us shelter, food and the ability to create life. Over the the course of human existence, women evolved into creatures that could provide for themselves.

We no longer needed to marry someone to put food on the table or a roof over our head. Furthermore, society has developed in such a way that we can now have children on our own if we so choose. High fives all around. I’m personally thankful that I live in the time of our Universe’s story that allows me so much control over my own life and fulfillment.

But my burning question is how we as women have developed into such nasty human beings when we have the most power and control than any other time in our history.
We all complain about it. I don’t think I have yet to hear one friend or close acquaintance of mine talk about how the female sex isn’t a bunch of mean bitches. Why complain about it if you’re going to just keep feeding the cycle? You want other women to understand you, to accept you, to have your back and always be loyal…well you’re going to get what you give. You think that the continual trash-talk and whispers and ignorant bullshit you spew because of your insecurities go unnoticed? I can assure you doll, they don’t.

Because while you are running your mouth about that woman who is supposed to be your friend or the stranger on the street or even that girl you barely know that you “know you just don’t like” or passive-aggressively implying things on facebook…whatever vehicle you choose, people notice. They may sit there and seem like they are agreeing with you but inside they are thinking, “Fuck, if she talks this way about her, I can only imagine what she says about me.” Don’t think the men in your life don’t notice either. Any interview I’ve ever done asking men about women, integrity and loyalty when it comes to being a female is high on the list. In the back of their minds they see you tearing others down and beating your chest to make yourself look better and it chips away at the image they have of you. You seem less and less attractive, they feel less and less connected to you and trust starts to dissipate.

No one likes being talked about, criticized, judged or thrown into the lion’s den of back stabbing insults…so why do you do it? Is that how you want to be treated?  I have learned that what people say about others is really the way they feel about themselves, because the truth of the matter is, you have no idea what is going on in a persons life. You have no idea the battles they may be facing or the guilt they have for any of their mistakes. Because honey, we all fucking make them. It’s the ones that learn from those mistakes and choose to grow into a better person in light of those mistakes that make a real woman. If you have a problem with someone, go to them. It says nothing but negative things about your character if you’re going to talk to every other person about a conflict with someone other than the person the conflict is with.

You are not perfect, I am not perfect and we all have wounds we are trying to heal from but I have no desire to put time and effort into someone that has nothing to offer a conversation other than trash talking someone else. Furthermore, there is nothing enriching and nourishing about someone who refuses to recognize their own mistakes and continue a path of emotional destruction. In the all popular saying, “I ain’t got time for that”. You can only control your own actions and reactions to other people’s actions.

We all come to a time in life, usually our late 20s, where relationships start to become clear. We realize that the true test of friendship lies in the moments of need and support, not in whether or not you show up to a party, not whether or not you remember to send someone a Christmas card and sure as hell not the a large cumulative amount of time spent with each other. I remember the day I woke up in the hospital, at the lowest point of my life, and who was there in that room with me. I remember the tears that were cried, the words that were said and being so thankful that I was lucky enough to have women in my life to sit next to me and literally hold me through the hardest and darkest of my days. That’s what matters and they know how important loyalty and integrity is in a friendship. Once its broken, you never get it back.

It’s taken some time and heartache to get to an understanding of what is most important to me in friendships but here are the mandatory five traits for me:

1. The Thelma to my Louise (Thanks BFF) or in true Bad Boys style “We ride together, we die together” mentality. Friends that have this criteria stand next to you no matter what. There may be times they don’t necessarily agree with you, but they sure as hell aren’t going to allow you to make that dumb mistake alone.

2. You are each others bulldogs. No matter what someone says about your friend or about you, you stick up for each other.

3. You’ve been through shit together. Whether it’s a death in one or the other’s family, a divorce or an illness, you’ve seen each other at really terrible moments and done the best you can on helping them get through it.

4. You fight. You piss each other off. You have on more than one occasion called that person a bitch. It’s because you love them so deeply that you can be real.

5. No amount of distance or busyness of life takes away from the friendship. There’s a calm understanding and no expectations. You allow each other to be each other.

So what do you want in a friendship? What is the type of woman you really want to be? You become a product of your environment, so choose wisely. 

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