I read a pretty incredible article written by David Wong of Cracked.com. Peppered with “in your face, get off your ass and do something” meat and bones, it seriously made me want to do all the things I could ever do in life and then some. Titled “6 Harsh Truths that Will make you a better person”, it resonated so deep with me, that I actually read it once a week for that week starting zinger to remind me to be awesome, but to do shit because I won’t be awesome if I’m not doing shit. Read it here.

In a nutsack, the world wants something from me. So, what do I have to offer this spinning ball of star dust and rocks? Well, I have fucking awesome hair. No doubt because of the kick-ass hair genes my Grandmother and Father passed down to me…thanks guys. But the world gets nothing from my “do” other than a bunch of selfies on instagram.

“Sorry Mercedes, your vanity can provide me nothing cool, so think of something else.”

Ok World, how about my hugs?! Everyone loves hugs!

“Mercedes, are you forgetting that you have this little personal space bubble you don’t like a whole lot of people entering? Though you go all hug-a-riff-ic whilst drinking, I don’t really see a need for a drunken molester running around my hood. People will start thinking that “Hide yo kids, hide yo wife” bit is about you. Next. ”

FINE! I do this one thing that I think is pretty bad ass. Most of the time it causes me to shoulder shuffle in pride. It also makes other people either laugh, raise an eyebrow or say “that was a complete waste of time” (I’m only assuming the latter because I ain’t no wizard). So World, you think my ability to type out a bunch of words filled with wit, cursing and thoughts from my mind could be of use to you?

“Fuck yes, Mercedes. I wasn’t going to tell you myself, because I knew eventually you’d figure it out on your own.”

Cue shoulder shuffle. Well, if I’ve learned one thing other than I get off on writing and that it’s pretty much my giving back to the world “thang”, I also need to do it well. Like really well. The only way I can keep getting better is by learning, honing the skill and incorporating ya’lls shit.

So, yeah, I want something from you. Yes you, the one reading this right now, thinking in your head, “Is this broad crazy? What is she trying to accomplish pretending she’s talking to everyone reading this?” I AM talking to you. All 4.5 of you. (In my mind, I like to believe there is a Ukrainian midget reading this blog and that it makes his day a little brighter and a little better. And that now all of the Ukrainian midgets running around out there are all familiar with the term “ghosting” because he read this blog.)

What exactly do I want from you?

You see something that makes you laugh because you’ve had a similar experience? Fucking tell me. You see something that you think is the dumbest thing that was ever written on the internet and I wrote it. Fucking tell me. Comment on whatever you want, or call me or message me and tell me stories. We can all benefit from your shit. People are benefiting from my shit.

How do I know? People tell me! Not like a lot, but when they do, my proverbial diaper of feel good validation fills up. And then I don’t want to take it off. It’s pretty incredible. And if you don’t want to tell me or comment or start some crazy thread on FB about the downsides of playing paintball while on ecstasy, well, then I’m gonna write regardless. Ya’ll are fucking awesome and your relationship woes and successes make me meep and also draft a shit ton of posts waiting for finalization.

“Ummmm Mercedes, World here. You probably just could have facebooked your best friends to get together one night and come up with a list of all the stupid shit you’ve done together. Don’t you think this is a little dramatic?” Totally, but quit butting in World, you’ve got what you need. Now, just sit back and enjoy the ride you back seat driver.

So Please all readers of itookheradvice, let me stroke that little ego of yours. 

Since I’m all about helping here’s what the next article is about: “Co-dependency will set your relationship on fi-ya. Not in the way Enrique Iglesias would sing about it.” Give me your thoughts on co-dependency. How have you been co-dependent in relationships, do you even know what it is? Why is my face really really ridiculously dumb for writing about it. You show me yours, I’ll show you mine. Promise. 🙂

Also, I just realized I forgot to put deodorant on this morning. Piss.

Here's a well colored kitten to drive the point home. What point? Uh, kittens are cute and you're awesome...

Here’s a well colored kitten to drive the point home. What point? Uh, kittens are cute and you’re awesome…