So, you know that chick that this whole blog is based upon? No, not me silly…the cooler one. My silver haired, kick-ass, salt-of-the-earth Grandmother. Remember that time she told me to write my little heart out and do the things that make me happy? Yeah, still doing all of that, don’t worry.
Of all the things I have learned watching her through the years and heeding or ignoring the advice she’s given me, perhaps the deepest and most impacting of all those moments happened the day I realized the meaning of unconditional love via an unconventional conversation I had with Grams. It was also solidified that I have a pretty fucking amazing woman to learn life lessons from.
I once asked her, “What would you do if one of your grandchildren told you they were gay?” (I want to pre-cursor you and tell you that my Grandparents raised my father and the rest of their children Catholic. My father raised me and my siblings non-denominational Christian and without going into full detail, my childhood was extremely religiously oppressive. So me asking this question is territory that is a big no-no in my little family world.)
“Well Sadie, as long they’re happy, I don’t care if they love a man or woman. Life is too short. You can’t tell anyone what they feel in their heart is wrong. Someone asked me this a long time ago how I could handle one of my children being gay. I looked at her like she was crazy. I asked her if she expected me to disown own them. That would be the time that they needed me most in their life, I would do nothing but have my arms wide open for them. Same goes for if one of you robbed a bank. I’d still go visit you in jail and love you regardless.”
I giggled. “I don’t plan on robbing any banks soon, Gram. But thanks. I appreciate your thoughts.”
“You’re welcome…Sadie…Are you trying to tell me something?”
“Well there’s a reason I asked you obviously. I’m not coming out to you, but I have seriously considered just being ballsy and asking a girl on a date. Like you say, life is too short. I have no idea if that would even be something I could do, but the thought has crossed my mind. I thought about it once in the context of just doing it as an experiment and then writing about it, but soon I laid that idea to rest, seeing as it would pretty much just be lying to another person and screwing with their emotions. (I did that last year when I did that online-dating experiment and I didn’t feel so great about it) But then I really thought about it and I looked at my life and what I know about my friends’ lives that are in same-sex relationships and I thought, why the hell not?”
“If it’s something you want to do, do it. There’s only one way to find out. Do you think it has anything to do with what’s happened in your love life up to this point?”
“Probably. But without a doubt I know it comes from realizing that the evil I was preached to about growing up actually has created some of the most real and powerful relationships I’ve ever seen. Is it for me? I can’t answer that. A romantic connection with a woman is something I’ve never dealt with. I know that it would be hard for me to do though. I really enjoy being a girl when I’m with a guy. I like someone being stronger than me and not being emotional all the time and just the basic differences. I seriously don’t know how I would be able to handle someone else crying more than occasionally and zero testosterone driving me crazy. I mean, would I have to open doors and bring someone flowers? That just makes my head spin….so maybe I just answered my own question.”
“Like I said before, there’s only one way to find out. Maybe you’ll like it, maybe you’ll go on a date and realize it’s not for you. But if you think you should, then I think you need to do what makes you happy.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna think about this some more and let you know what I decide. Thanks, Grams.”
We then switched the topic to her sister’s bladder issues and when I was coming out for a visit next.
I definitely put some more thought into it and after writing out all the pros and cons of dating a girl, I realized that every fiber of me enjoys the male/female rivalry and opposites attract in a heterosexual relationship. As relieving as it would be to finally be with someone that understands why I just cry for no reason at all and have strange hormonal swings due to my ovaries, the writing was on the wall. The list of cons was 3 x the length as the other side. It totally reminded me of the time I had to make a Venn diagram of Alligators and Crocodiles in 3rd grade…
Aside from researching and coming to a pretty stark conclusion in regards to my own sexuality, I think what my Grandmother said about who you choose to love and doing what makes you happy is pretty sound advice. Not only advice to give to someone if they have questions on what team they bat for, but life in general. I feel that compassion, acceptance and just letting others be who they are (mistakes and asshole moves too) get you a whole lot further than trying to fit someone else in your cramped little opinionated box. Ha, that was unintentional.
I know that if I ever have children of my own and if any of them would come to me regarding being gay straight or becoming a monk/nun, I will tell them this story and make sure they know that it doesn’t matter who they bring home at Christmas. As long as they are happy and are doing what it is in their heart that feels right, I will make banana french toast for all.