A lot has happened in my love life the past couple of years. I’m not Taylor Swift so I’m not going to write some sappy, shit-tastic compilation of lyrics to describe how I feel about each person who came in and out of my life.
BUT, because I whole-heartedly believe that every person you cross paths with, no matter the span of time, they were put there for a reason. So, here’s to reflecting on the things I learned about myself and love in 2012.
DB – I literally broke into a thousand pieces to find myself when shit hit the fan with this one. I’ll call this one my whirlwind romance turned living nightmare. Proof that love can be a sickness, a facade and the furthest thing from the truth. I fell hard, literally had my heart ripped out and stomped upon and learned that no one is ever going to be “the one” who makes someone change their ways from being a narcissist. That change has to come within the person and through a whole hell of a lot of soul-searching. Though I turned out to be just another one of his victims, I’m pretty sure what I learned and gained from the experience serves as a guiding light and inner knowledge I would have never been able to obtain anywhere else.
So DB, thanks for all the hurt and heartache, I’m truly better because of the hell I survived with you.
Taylor Swift – I give everyone I date nicknames, but this one in particular came from one of my roommates. This short little stint involved me dating someone who had a kid and was still in love with his “almost” ex-wife. YAY! He dropped the L-Bomb inside of 3 weeks. My response: “Shut the fuck up”. He also tried controlling things about me down to the type of toothpaste I used. Note to self: Put me in a corner and I will fight back. Should I mention his numerous ADD melt-downs? He thought his big salary, boat and ability to buy me anything he thought I wanted was all that mattered in a relationship and that the constant text wars between him and his ex on their “new love interests” were no big deal. Not that I needed any more ammunition to end it, but the day we went to visit my cousin he told me, “If you ever let me get in a car knowing we’ll be gone for an hour and you don’t bring something for me to eat, there’s gonna be a problem.” Yeah, me leaving your ass on the side of the road.
Taylor Swift, Thank you for making me 100%understand the importance of dealing with baggage before you jump into something with someone else. Oh and for that kick ass stuffed mushroom recipe.
Scottsdale – Modern day ramblin’ man. It was completely casual for me until I started to realize I really liked the fucker. Needless to say, the power-struggle began, I paid attention to his actions instead of the words coming out of his mouth and I diligently worked on forcing myself to remain indifferent. Because, I knew inevitably we were on a path to nowhere. I just couldn’t resist the textual banter, his inappropriate mouth and how much fun I had with him. Unfortunately, the things in which we cannot possess always seem to be the things that are always in the back of our mind. But if you’re more smart than dumb and have learned your lesson, you learn to not play with fire, no matter how pretty or enticing it may look. He did give me a sound piece of personal advice, “Act like puppy, you’re too guarded and jaded.”
So Scottsdale, the puppy has been out of her cage more often than not. Thanks for that revelation and ghosting me. PS – You’re really selfish in the sack. 🙂
The one that I let get away – After our first date, I was pretty sure he was the next serious boyfriend and unlike anyone that I had ever dated. Also the person that I said to my guy BFF, “I have no interest in sleeping with anyone else.” Call it being smitten or bitten by that crazy little bug that makes you say really dumb things sometimes. I don’t really have an explanation on how this one unraveled so damn quickly, but it did. It was difficult to walk away from, and I went back and forth for a while. I think it was mostly my ego that kept gut punching me, but my common sense finally won and put me back in my place of non-hormonally and emotionally induced thinking. To sum things up, I started falling for this one and it pisses me off even typing it out, but unresolved baggage and unnecessary dramatization are things that don’t sit well with me. He may have been extremely pretty, an insanely good kisser and our kids would have had phenomenal hair, but when things start going sour so early on and phone conversations are laced with arguments…somethings wrong.
So thanks for being strong enough to fight with me and that it’s possible for me to feel that “spark” in regards to someone else. Even though it fizzled and then I just wanted to throw the remnants at you for being such a baby, I’m glad we met.
I have learned that the pretty ones are usually a huge mess under the perfection, the bigger the muscles the smaller their commitment to a relationship is going to be and that I probably need to start rock climbing or join a bowling league. Maybe I’ll run into a cool dude that’s not doing steroids, is emotionally available and doesn’t have a personality disorder.