If you want unconditional friendships, support and people who will have your back no matter what, seek out the people who do the things that they say they are going to do. Some people have zero issue following through, as they were lucky enough to have parents that taught them the importance of honoring commitments and being men and women of their word. For others, it’s through trial and error that they grasp the notion.

I will admit, I am in the latter group sometimes. I have had really amazing shining moments where I have come through on promises and verbal commitments and there have also been times that I’ve sucked monkey balls and let someone down.

Sucking monkey balls example: Not taking the time to really look at my commitments and figuring out if I have the time/energy to commit to something and then having to cancel on a friend. You can only do that so many times before someone adopts the view that you are unreliable and that they are not worth your time.

Amazing shining moment example: About 6 years ago, my best friend was selling a house that she designed and had built. It was her “baby” for several months and  I got to experience first hand the incessant bitching, type-A temper tantrums and stress that this little project  had thrown into the mix. But finally, the finishing touches were wrapped up. I went with her one evening to do a final walk-through before the buyers came in from Texas in the morning to check it out and sign the paperwork.

It was a bigger deal than any of her other houses. I literally had spent hours listening to the wife of the duo bitch about the perfect paint color…which turned out to be a washed out mustard yellow. Sick. But she was a picky bitch and the type of spoiled ass, oil-money, person that had no problem walking away and losing thousands in escrow if she didn’t like the finish on the toilet paper rolls.

So the BFF, K, and I clickity clacked our way up the to house in our heels and walked through the door. We brought K’s little italian greyhound in with us and got to work. We did the upstairs last and were walking through the last bedroom only to discover the dog had shit in the middle of the room. We both stopped dead in our tracks, K started hyperventilating and I said in my loudest inner voice head,  “here we fucking go”. My BFF is meticulous about EVERY FUCKING THING and she’s quite dramatic and bossy as well. So I knew I needed to just handle the situation as logically and unemotional as I could to keep her from freaking the fuck out.

“OH MY GOD, MERCEDES WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!? There’s no toilet paper in this fucking house, how do we pick it up???”

“I think I saw some paper towels on the counter downstairs. Hold on” I ran down to the kitchen and snatched up the paper towels and handed them to her with a look of “it’s not my dog, you do it”. She sighed heavy, because I knew the bitch was fully expecting ME to do it for her. I crossed my arms and watched as she slowly and very girlishly picked up the shit, walked into the bathroom and threw it in the toilet.

She flushed the toilet and in slow motion we watched the toilet clog. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. Freak out commenced. I look over at her and she has hives forming on her neck and she’s twitching. I didn’t even have to say anything along the lines of “you don’t happen to have a plunger” because I could tell by the look on her face that I’d get vag punched if I tried to make a joke.

On the verge of tears and spontaneous combustion, she reaches for her phone. I’m assuming she was going to call someone to see if they could bring a plunger over but there were also 57 different other places she needed to be so I knew what I had to do.

“Put your phone away, I got this.”

“What? What do you mean? There isn’t a plunger.”

“I know that, but I’ll unclog it myself.”

It took her a second to register exactly what I was planning on doing. So without further hesitation, I rolled up the sleeves to my cardigan, shifted my skirt and jammed my hand down into the toilet. In one swift motion, the clog was gone, my best  friend was on the floor in hysterics and I was standing in a bathroom hoping to god the bitch rolling around laughing was truly thankful for the “shit” I do for her.

Of COURSE there was no hand soap, so I had to wait until we got back to her house to wash up, but she learned that day that she will never ever have to worry about me coming through for her. Though sometimes I suck at time management and take on more than I can chew with regards to work and my social life, I always have the backs of the ones I love. Even if that means shoving my hands in small confined spaces to help rid them of the shit in their lives.

So be that person for the ones you love. You never know when you’re going to need it in return.

Toilet-Paper

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