I have friends that make me laugh harder than is humanly possible. They have literally lit up my world and sometimes they say the most epic things imaginable. Sometimes it’s serious, sometimes it’s funny and sometimes the only people that it makes sense to is us.

Here’s to the creation of the category “Shit my friends say”…

“I stopped sleeping with Guy A about a week or more ago, but he has a short penis and isn’t very good with that, his hands or his mouth. Plus, he has tattoos all down his spine but he’s a weeny and they’re all gay…it’s a long story. Guy B is from work. We dry humped and made out last night and from the looks and feels over pajama pants, he beats Guy A by a lot. I’m excited. Your mother is awesome because she birthed you. I’m the compilmentiest.” – My friend with a pretty mouth and impeccable eyebrows