Can long distance relationships work? Having never been in one myself, I don’t know how to answer that question. I’ve posed it many times and most times I get a resounding “no”. However, last night I stumbled across Bianca.
Scene set: Cheshire Inn in Clayton. The bar in the hotel looked like it came straight out of a fairytale hunting lodge. In a castle. Dark lighting, huge fireplace, wing back chairs. It really was like my own little slice of rustic heaven. I wanted to sit by the fire with a brandy and cigar but my reasoning for being there was a work happy hour and was too busy chit chatting up the girlfriends and wives of the lawyers who were throwing a birthday party for a fellow lawyer friend.
In walked Bianca. She stood close to the bar, about 10 feet away from us and looked around like she wasn’t sure if she was in the right place. I got the sense she was meeting someone and they hadn’t arrived yet. I HATE feeling that way and since I had already consumed two vodka tonics I figured I’d go see what was up and greet her with some friendly vibes. I was mid sentence complimenting one of the girls on being “interesting” and started to walk towards Bianca.
“And this lady right here…Hi there, you look like you might not be in the right place, I’m Mercedes.” I gave her a little bit of a side hug (I just think handshakes between women in a social environment is dumb. Yes I said it.)
She breathed a sigh of relief, smiled and said, “Acutally I’m meeting my friend here, I don’t see him.”
“I got the feeling that might be the case. You looked a little out of your element, so I thought I’d come over and say hi.”
“Thanks, yeah, walking into bars not knowing anyone isn’t one of my favorite things to do.”
“Well, while you’re waiting for him you should join us.” Everyone introduced themselves and Bianca and I sat down at the bar. We did the usual occupation, age and why we’re in this bar exchange. I asked if the person she was meeting was her boyfriend and he was not. Then I asked why he wasn’t with her on a friday night. “He lives in California.” My ears perked up: Research. Time.
“Sooooooo, Bianca. I write. Most of the things I write about have everything to do with dating, relationships and un-boring things. Mind if I invade your privacy and ask you some questions about your relationship?”
She smiled, took a sip of her beer and said, “Not at all.”
“Hardest thing about a long distance relationship.”
“Easy. Not being able to come home to them every night and be able to share every moment with them. Like if I go to a theatre and see a show and I really wish they could experience it with me, I can’t. I can only send pictures. Or If I’m having a really bad day and I just need a hug.”
“I can only imagine. I don’t do well with not being able to share the everyday little things with someone, so I give you mad props for being able to do it.”
“So if you were going to give someone else in a long distance relationship advice, what would you say?”
“Communication obviously is the most important. Like you haven’t heard that before, right? It’s important in any relationship but even more so in a long distance relationship. You absolutely need to be on the same page and that goes hand in hand with communicating well. You spend a lot of time on the phone so you need to be interesting and have things to talk about. Having common goals is really important too. I think it creates a really stimulating relationship when you have two different people from two different backgrounds and you’re not always going to see eye to eye, so you need to be really good at agreeing to disagree. I’m agnostic and he comes from a very religious background, I think it brings a lot of complexity and to our relationship in a good way.”
“You’re the only person I’ve talked to that is an advocate for a long distance relationship. Why do you think yours is working and others don’t?”
“Well, we’ve known each other for a very long time. He was a childhood friend and we knew so much about each other. I came into town for the holidays once and we went and hung out. It turned into a little 2 month thing and then we just decided to take it to the next level. It would have been really hard to see him in every situation and get a realistic version of someone if you don’t spend a lot of time with them, so I don’t think it could have worked if we didn’t already know each other for as long as we have.”
About that time, her friend showed up and I had to do my social duty and buy the birthday boy a shot. He’s legitimate Russian so he requested Grey Goose, chilled. Shots of vodka? I can definitely do that. 🙂 After the shot we joined his girlfriend and we all started chit chatting about their recent trip to London. I learned that you can get the “best curry in the world” in London. Apparently its a scientific fact.
So to sum up my impromptu research sesh, long distance relationships are a lot of work, but according to Bianca they most definitely can succeed. She was even sweet enough to take a picture with me. I had a dedicated follower (aka one of my besties) request that I take pictures with the people I interview. Since this interview didn’t hop the fence of inappropriate and airing dirty laundry, I figured it would be safe to broadcast. Bianca if you’re reading this, it was a pleasure meeting you and I hope everything works out splendidly for you. 🙂